Monthly Archives: June 2011

Kathleen Bunn’s Group of Mommy Bloggers/Spiritual Support

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Today we interviewed Kathleen Bunn of www.lifewith4boys.com about mommy blogging, sibling dynamics, gestational surrogacy, talking to your kids about tough stuff and making choices that others find incomprehensible. This VERY touching interview can be downloaded on the archives tab or by following this link:

 http://toginet.com/podcasts/thewayofthetoddlerhour/TheWayofTheToddlerHourLIVE_2011-06-21.mp3?type=podpage

We talked about the importance of a strong support network. She named a group of fellow mommy bloggers with whom she can share and bare her soul. These are her best buds in the blogosphere and without the world of mommy blogging, she never would have met them. It didn’t seem right not to mention this illustrious group of Kathleen’s friend. Here they are:

Home To Heather – http://hometoheather.com/ = Calgary Mom Blogger
Beautiful Side of Hectic – http://beautifulsideofhectic.com/ = Canadian Mom Blogger focusing on having children with special needs
Mommy23Monkeys – http://mommy23monkeys.com/ = San Diego Mom Blogger and fellow mom of boys. She was also a gestational surrogate twice.
Confessions From Household Six – http://confessionsfromhh6.com = Military Mom Blogger also focuses on special needs
Post Partum Illness – http://postpartumillness.com/ – California Mom Blogger – focusing on empowering women and also dealing with personal pain and illness.

What’s too controversial for conversation?

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My guest on June 21st’s “The Way of the Toddler Hour” is a gestational surrogate for a same-sex couple that would like to also be parents. She is comfortable talking about this, but wondered if it would be too controversial for my radio show. Well, is it?

What is too controversial for conversation? Is there a line not to cross when reaching out to friends and strangers alike with news and information about parenting? “The Way of the Toddler Hour” was devised as a forum for spiritual support to moms especially during the early years of motherhood when her identity seems all but lost. How can hearing about the choices of others offer a kind of support not typically found in baby books? The answer, for me, lies in comprehending the depth and scope of the circumstances in which others live dealing with motherhood just the same as I am.

Our guest is Kathleen Bunn. She is a sigle mom of 4 boys. She must feed them, clothe them, provide them shelter, love, emotional support and all the nurturing of both a mother and a father. This, in itself, is a lot for one woman. On top of that, she must earn a living, claim her own identity as a human being on planet earth and maintain all the other relationships that she has in her personal and professional life. In the midst of all that, she made another choice, to be the birth mother of a child for two people who cannot on their own have a child.

What a choice! I am constantly astounded by the broad array of situations we human beings find ourselves. There is so much to life. There is so much diversity and experience. We are the recipients of a planet full of possibilities. All of us have a unique story to tell that is beautiful for its uniqueness and close proximity to the carefully crafted landscapes of our hearts. What story do you have to tell? What is your “gestational surrogate to a same-sex couple” equivalent? It doesn’t have to be so dramatic, just yours. You have something precious and individual about your experience of living that no one else has, but from which we can all learn.

That is the magic of life and I celebrate it. I celebrate Kathleen Bunn and her decision to take on this one more thing in an already very busy life. I celebrate myself and my journey through parenting, working from home and being the mom who claims her career on her own terms. I celebrate you and your gifts that no one has but you. We are all blessings. That, my dear friends, is the most important message of all. Namaste.

Favorite Books from Listeners on “The Way of the Toddler Hour”

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Here are the results from our question: “What is your favorite children’s book either from your own childhood or now?”

Julie Woods Horton hears a Who – Dr. Suess

 Suzanne Tidwell Julius – Baby of the World and The Mitten
 Sue J. Ketcheson Buttercup’s Lovely Day ( a current Canadian title…lovely poetic language…all about gratitude and living in the moment, told from a cow’s perspective!)
 Erika Rhett Conkling The Wonderful Happens by Cynthia Rylant and Owl Babies by Martin Waddel.
 LeAnne Struble I agree with Erika on Owl Babies but would add, All I See is Part of e by Chara, M. Curtis and Come Over To My House
 Lori Hamilton Lily’s Truth & Lily’s Truth for Kids
 Cara Nitz The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss

Chocolate is a necessary divergence.

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Today I attempted to walk to the grocery store for diapers. It was a chance to combine some exercise with a much needed errand. Also, I was praying for that blissful “fall-asleep-in-the-stroller-so-I-can-enjoy-an-hour-of-quiet” anticipation a mother feels when she knows her toddler is tired and it is a nice day for a walk. Walking to the store no one fell asleep and two little boys (one 4 and the other 2) were even more tired by the time we arrived. They both wanted to walk around the store, which always signifies disaster and when I said “no” to that, there was a tantrum. I thought about just leaving, but then remembered how desperate I was for diapers. Instead, a KitKat proved the answer.

Diapers, milk and KitKat purchased, I speedily exited the grocery store and tore open the KitKat for the boys to share. With chocolate in hand, I put the cover over the double stroller and started my walk back home. Within 5 minutes they were both asleep. At the house, I left them outside and went to read my book in the kitchen. The front door was open, so I could hear when one or the other woke up.

That they did. Covered in melted chocolate from head to toe. I have never seen such a mess on a little boy’s face and clothes! I didn’t know what he was more freaked out about: waking up in the buggy or waking up with melted goo all over his skin. I gingerly held him close, but not too close, until we could reach the bathroom and a towel. Chocolate wiped and another nice cuddle from mommy. Now he is asleep again on my lap. My four year old made it down to the family room sofa and went straight back to sleep as well.

Is chocolate so soporific that it will keep them down for another hour? I have a lot of emails to catch  up on. I could use an easier attitude in the grocery store, but if I am going to have to take two tired boys to the store for anything – I am heading straight for the chocolate aisle.

What Our Children Have Taught Us

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Here is a link to a video series I am doing about life lessons grown ups can learn from children. If you are interested in participating, email me at thewayofthetoddler@gmail.com and I will organize to come video you. For more in the series, search under What Our Children Have Taught Us on YouTube.

Accommodating your needs and your toddler’s.

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In the world of parenting, there are multiple agendas a parent must schedule into the overall picture of family life. In my family’s case, there is a husband and a wife, a seven year old, a four year old and a two year old. Each of us has our own desires and needs that we must fit into and around the larger context of our combined life as a single unit. For a mother, this job is especially acute. I like to think that I have used the last seven years of motherhood to learn a thing or two about puting the pieces together. Now that my toddler has to compete with the agendas of four other family members, I must take special efforts to ensure his needs are not completely ignored. It isn’t enough to dress him every day, but also to see his emotional needs as valid and worth making a priority along with the rest of us.

Here are 5 simple rules I have developed to make me happy and to make him a part of the family’s overall agenda picture:

1.  I never begin my day without my own cup of coffee and at least 30 minutes of quiet time without children. This sets me off on the right foot and gives me that extra boost of patience I am bound to need at some point during the day.

2.  I always give my toddler at least 5 minutes of undivided attention before getting my other two children up and ready for school. Then I can turn on Dora, make lunch, fix breakfasts for everyone and marshal the troops. He responds to my agenda without much complaint after I have paid some attention to him – and him alone.

3.  I plan my day around naps in the car if I am going to be out and about. Then I bring a book and sit in the car quietly while he naps. It gives me some time to relax doing an activity I enjoy and he gets the rest he needs. Sometimes I nap too. It’s win-win all around.

4.  There is never a time or a place for bringing him where he doesn’t belong. I have tried this. It has failed miserably. If there isn’t a babysitter available or my husband doesn’t get home in time from work, I skip the “thing” I wanted to do and stay home with him. In the long run, I am less stressed out and more peaceful by not trying to pack in more than should be expected from a two year old. It won’t always be this way. I can wait for the book club or whatever class I want to take until it fits in with the overall kid/age breakdown.

5.  My own peace is a priority. If things are out of whack on a particular day, I take steps to rebalance the hearts and minds of every member of the family. That can mean I need to ask my husband for a “day off.” It can also mean I give him a “day off.” Other times it means focusing 100% on my kids or one of them in particular. Not every day will be perfect, but I can recognize when things aren’t as they should be and do things to address the gaps. This has been a huge help in my underlying state of consciousness as a mother. When I know what I need and I understand that my toddler has needs too, we can work together to give each of us the attention necessary to fill our lives with more joy.

One wayor the other, never all on the same day and without wasting too much time worrying that I am or he is perfect,we enter into every morning knowing that love is the doctrine of this family. When I’ve messed up, he tells me in his toddler way. I’ve learned to listen. It has made a big difference in all of our lives. I am still learning, but it’s nice to know I have such an adorable teacher.

Spiritual lesson of the week.

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This is my weekly opportunity to share some spirituality we learn from our kids. Today, I would like to share a story from Oliver, my 4-year old. He said he saw something the other day and I asked him if it was an angel. He looked at me and said, “No, mom. Angels aren’t real. Only fairies are.” It reminded me that we each perceive spiritual support in a way that is unique to us. No one way is good or bad, right or wrong. Who am I to say to Oliver what is right or wrong about his beliefs? His words are helping me to be less critical of others when I am confronted with beliefs that differ greatly froom mine. Now I can just have an inside joke and say to myself, “Well, I guess they don’t believe in angels. It’s fairies for them.” We all have a connection to the Divine. How we define that connection is no one’s business but our own. It is up to us to share what we believe. Thank you Oliver for that lesson.