Embracing Life

• D.S. Butterworth writes that we can find transcendence in the ordinary. His family’s ordinary, he says, is the kitchen table. For Marion Wink, the ordinary is picking up children from school. Is there an ordinary activity in your family’s life where the transcendent sometimes shines through?
• Laura Read struggles mightily with her desire for a daughter, while she only has sons. Have you ever wished your child~ren) were something they’re not, such as a boy or girl, athlete or reader? Do you know where your longing comes from? How have you resolved it or tried to resolve it? At the end of her essay, Read concludes, “By not being what I always wanted, my sons have been what I always wanted.” What does she mean? Have you had this experience?
• Rosemary Bray McNatt writes that having children “broke her heart open” and gave her “a palpable desire to make the world brand new for their sake.” Has being a parent given you the desire to improve the world for your children and grandchildren? If so, how has this felt and how have you acted on it?
• In three of the essays in this section, the authors deal with death and loss. Jonathan Johnson loses his mother, Cora Schenberg has a miscarriage, and Betsy Wharton gives birth to a seriously disabled child who dies at less than two months of age. Have you grappled with the loss of a child or parent? How is your experience similar to or different from those described here? Why do you think these essays are found in a section called “Embracing Life”?
• Jess Walter ponders the question, “What saves?” A seeker, he explores some of the options he finds in the world and in his family. What spiritual paths have you explored, and what is the relationship between your parenting and your spiritual journey?

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In their introduction to the book, the editors assert:

“Having a child throws us, whether we are willing or not,
whether we recognize it or not, onto the path toward spiritual wisdom.”

Do you agree? Disagree? Why?

I have the privilege of writing a monthly guest blog for www.motherhoodlaterthansooner.com. This month I wrote about the art of surrender. To read the blog and find out more about this great website for moms over 35, follow the link.

http://blog.motherhoodlaterthansooner.com/2011/09/art-of-surrender-for-mothers-by-leta.html

Inevitably, we all grow up with patterns of behavior and thinking that are ultimately unhelpful. As children, we heard the words “don’t” and “no” so often they become our own fall-back phrase when we become parents. Discouragement is endemic. All too often, we heard about the moments when we were not doing a good job and less frequently about the moments when we were. Especially during times of stress, the automatic response seems to be impulsively critical and harsh language.

In her book, GO! How to Think, Speak and ACT to Make Good Things Happen, author Marilyn Schoeman invites us to do things differently. She asks us to make a conscious choice to focus on the objective we are going for in any situation. This naturally moves us to speak in the direction of encouragement. What do we want our kids to do? What would we prefer their actions to be? By focusing on objectives, we are more likely to hear ourselves praising them and saying things like, “Wow!” or  ”Neat creation!”

It is a conscious choice to actively look for and “catch” people doing good – especially our children, who are taking everything on board in their early years and creating a template for how they will approach the rest of their lives and all of their relationships. Then, when things go awry, instead of automatic fall-back into critical/harsh, we can instead ask more positive, open-ended, questions like, “Next time, what can we do differently?” Or, “Next time, how can we do things differently?” Even if you are dealing with a child too young to understand what you are saying (like say, a 2 year old), but we can still ask ourselves the question and be positively proactive towards ourselves. It has been said before by a great many gurus – everything starts with our relationship with the “I” within and goes outward from there. Whatever age our kids, “green light” thinking begins within.

Years ago, as a teacher, when Marilyn was developing her “green light” thinking strategies, she focused on teaching her kids how to give and receive compliments. When she caught them in inappropriate behavior, she stated that fact: “That’s not appropriate.” And then asked them to come up with a better way. Now, as a professional speaker and trainer, she opens the doorway for her audiences to become comfortable sharing their creativity. “Green light” thinking is simply evaluating goals and then using open-ended questions to engage our brains.

Anyone who has done any study of brain function understands that our brains like to be engaged. Through prompting and instigation, we can open up possibilities. Our brains love this. A good technique Marilyn teaches is to focus on the ideal scenario of any situation. This serves to ignite our brains, stimulating it to come up with new ideas, which lead to new possibilities of new outcomes. Open-ended engaging questions entice our brains and from there we can watch the obstacles fall away.

Asking ourselves, “What do I prefer?” “What do I like to do?” is an obvious place to start. From there,we can move into more “green light” thinking with our partners and our children. For more information on Marilyn’s book, see www.gogreenlightway.com.  This approach to thinking, speaking and acting is easy to follow and will make good things happen. Her book is full of case-studies to illustrate its effectiveness. I, for one, am a convert and think this book is a must read for any parent.

Odette D’Aniello is the owner of Celebrity Cake Studio (www.celebritycakestudio.com). Twenty years ago, she wrote in a vision journal, “I live to create, not to survive.” She is living that statement now. Her business has 12 employees and continues to grow. Currently, her operation is moving into a new, larger, facility to accommodate their growth. Her life is an expression of her creative passion for design. Crediting her success to discipline, passion and clarity of intention, she is an inspiring role model to her 2 children and to all of us.

Growing up in the Philippines, she saw poverty all around her, including her immediate circumstances. Instead of wallowing in what she did not have, she took up a journal instead. She began to draw and write about the life of her dreams. She learned to use her imagination to move into a different mindset – one that focused on the positive. Through her clarity of intention, she began to realize the dreams about which she was drawing and writing in her journal. She now has the farm she wrote about as a young college student. Her life is full of the things she visioned in her journals throughout the years. Now, as a mom with 2 children and a busy career, she knows to draw out what she wants, and then wait until it happens.

One example of how this works in her life is her recent trip to London and New Dehli. During a stressful time in 2010, she wrote down what she wanted. The list included travel to London and New Dehli. Shortly thereafter, a friend emailed her a contest from British Airways for helping entrepreneurs take their business to the next level. Odette wrote “Baker Needs a Change in Perspective” and submitted her essay. By mistake, she wrote that she wanted to travel to Mumbai when she really meant to write down New Dehli. She stopped dwelling on the contest and went about the business of being a CEO and mom. In December, she received a call from British Airways telling her she won. Sadly, she told them that it wasn’t Mumbai she wanted to go, but New Dehli, where there was a particular businessman from whom she could learn a great deal about the wedding cake business. British Airways told her she could go wherever she wanted and they flew her to London before sending her to New Dehli.

Later, upon her return home, she found the page in her journal where she wrote down what she wanted in 2010. She saw “travel to London and New Dehli” written there. She wasn’t surprised. A lifetime of keeping a vision journal and learning to put herself in the emotion of what she wanted had taught her that life is not about “believing.” Rather, it is about living as if it already is. With this philosophy at the heart of her day to day actions, she makes a conscious choice not to indulge in negative or unhelpful emotions. She draws out the life she wants. She waits. It happens.

This story is a reminder to me that I, too, can put myself in the mindset of where I want to be. At the moment, I am grappling with feelings of unfulfilled potential. My pregnancy has the dubious honor of putting my career plans on the side while I necessarily put some time and energy into celebrating new life. Here I am just starting on this road to successful author, radio show host and speaker when, “BOOM,” I am hit with an unexpected 4th child. The temptation to wallow in self-pity is there. Luckily, I have guests like Odette D’Aniello on my show to re-instill that notion that life is all about attitude. My feelings of unfulfilled potential are a choice. With Odette’s interview ringing in my ear, I can make a different choice. I think tonight I’ll write in my journal. What is it that I want? I’ll write it down. I’ll put myself in that mindset. Then, I’ll wait for it to happen. It may not happen this year, but by focusing on the feeling of fulfilled potential, I cannot fail. I am there already. It is not about believing. It is about living as if it already is. And so it is.

Thank you, Odette.

September 8 is World Day of Prayer (http://www.worlddayofprayer.org/). I found out about this from my friend Jennifer Salima Holt. What is your one-sentence prayer for the world?  My intention is to reach at least 200 women through this post.

Join Us in Prayer | World Day of Prayer

www.worlddayofprayer.org

On World Day of Prayer, I felt for the first time in two years the silent peace and warmth of God. This may not sound like a miracle, but to me it was. My family, our finances and my health have been in serious jeopardy. I pray every day, but on this day with so many others praying, I felt an inner …