My sister called. She said that she wanted to talk to me about my book, but now wasn’t a good time, so would I call her in the morning? My heart raced. What about the book did she want to talk to me about? Had I offended her in some way? Did I say something about her giving up a baby for adoption when she was 17? I can’t remember. It’s been so long since I read the book. I am completely overtaken with fear about what she wants to talk to me “about my book.” And I am praying, praying, praying. I’m handing over this fear to God like crazy. I’m telling myself that whatever is to come in the conversation with my sister is an opportunity to grow and to learn. I’m praying that my heart stays open and that I welcome whatever is to come. And all the while I am playing the happy mommy role. The kids don’t have a clue that all this is going on inside my head. I’m putting on Oliver’s pajamas. The kid could not be in a happier mood. When our kid are cheerful, they are REALLY REALLY REALLY cheerful. It’s so refreshing. They are so in the moment. Oliver’s lying on the ground with his butt in the air so I can put on a new diaper just singing his little song an hugging the batman teddy bear our next door neighbor brought over earlier in the day. It was so sweet. And a total contrast wto what was going on internally with me. Can I just bottle up that “in the momentness” my kids display so readily? It is so so so SOOOOO sweet, so pure, so beautiful, so fascinating – so many things that I am not a lot of the time. Then, later this evening before we went to bed William put on a concert for me. He sang a song about the “angel inside.” Could this kid be any more profound?